The Raccoon's Way
by xXxNotASlytherinxXx
Summary: Vita was as annoying as they'd come-bossy, overprotective, and very territorial. Being the leader of the Hedgies only increased that. When RJ, a fellow raccoon like she was, comes along, everything changes. Will she finally loosen up and fall for him, or remain the same? (No Verne in this story)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Sorry if this offends you, but Verne will not be in this series. In fact, the big deal of this story is that the leader of the hedgies was never a turtle, but a female raccoon. I'll just leave that off for there. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Over The Hedge**

* * *

><p>I was still deep asleep, the cold no longer reaching my fur, seeing as I snuggily piled leaves over me while I slept. I was only fully awaken when a drop of something freezing hit my head. I squealed, jumping up from my spot in the log, my tail fizzing and my tuft of hair flying off my right eye for a moment.<p>

"Ooh! Cold, cold, cold! Why is it always...me?" I trailed off uneasily as I looked over at the other end of the log. It was bright and sunny and I could finally see the green grass instead of piles of white, powdery snow. Squinting with a grin, I climbed on all fours and scurried out, allowing myself to shake the cold water of the condensation off my fur and finally get to have warmth running through it. I breathed in with a grin. "Spring can never do a girl wrong. Wow... But-that only means 274 days 'till winter!"

Eyes widened, I spun around, my tail frizzing up a bit as I called, "Everybody up! Get up! C'mon, hibernation is over! Spring's here!" I giggled in amusement, placing a paw on my hip. As always, Hammy was the first to come out, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

"Morning, Vita!" Hammy greeted quickly, throwing his arms around my middle. I patted his head.

"Hello, Hammy. Up first as always! I'm proud!" I praised.

"Thanks! I've gotta go peepee!" Hammy exclaimed, doing a small dance as he looked at me in mercy. Then, in the blink of an eye, he ran off to do his business without everyone staring. However, I called one last thing to him before he was completely out of earshot.

"Not in the lake we drink from, please!" I looked back at the log, both paws on my hips now. "C'mon, guys, it's spring! Everyone know what that means? More work! I cannot do it alone! Up, everyone up!"

"Ah," Hammy sighed in relief as he ran back to my side. "Finished. No, wait..." He ran off again.

"Please, everyone! I am not afraid to go in there and use my claws if I have to!" I threatened.

"Y'all better listen! I've been holding somethin' in all winter and I'm about to let it out!" Stella called from her spot. Instantly, everyone ran out as quickly as possible, followed by an amused Stella.

"Thank you, Stella," I laughed, placing a paw over my heart.

"Oh, I can clear a room, Vita. C'mon, that much I can do," Stella smiled as she passed me.

Shaking my head, I planted myself on all fours, and quickly scurried back into the log to grab the last of the food we had from the beginning of hibernation. I frowned when I saw it was only a few berries. My ears clasped down to my head as I looked at the ground in worry, but hey, if we did this last year, we could do this again this year.

Smiling hopefully again, I walked slowly back outside to give the others a heads up and new orders to get new food. Seeing everyone gathered around talking, I placed a paw to my lips and let out a very loud whistle that instantly captured everyone's attention. I raised up the stem of berries to them.

"Ooh, look, food!" Penny grinned, pointing excitedly.

"I think you all know what this means," I said, shaking the berries slightly.

I only realized Hammy was back then when I saw him raising his hand frantically, trying to get my attention.

"Vita!" he called in a frightened tone.

"Just a moment, Hammy," I shushed him, before looking at all of them again, "This means we were nine berries away from starvation. Nine!"

Everyone gasped in horror, making me realize I scared them a bit. I cleared my throat.

"Sorry, sorry, that was a little intense. I just meant really serious hunger pains." I corrected myself.

"Vita!" Hammy shot out again in fear.

"I'm not finished, Hammy. Please zip it for a moment and I'll get back to you," I instructed, walking over and passing berries to Lou, Penny, and the kids. "Morning, Lou, Penny, kids. So what I want to tell you all is-"

"Vita!"

"Hammy, shh!" I hissed. "If you have to go again, just go! Okay, so all I'm trying to say is that we came a little close. So this year we have to remember we have to fill the log-"

"All the way to the top!" Ozzie added.

"Exactly, Ozzie," I smiled. "All the way to the top! Because...what are we?"

"Foragers!" everyone exclaimed in unison.

"And what do we forage?"

"Food!"

"That's right!" I squealed.

"That's super, Vita, really super," Lou complimented.

I smiled, before turning to Hammy finally, "Okay, Hammy!"

"Huh?" he asked, confused.

"What is it?"

"What is what?" Hammy replied.

"What is it you wanted to tell me?" I asked, trying not to get too annoyed.

He seemed lost in thought now, trying to grasp on what he was trying to say. At about this time, everyone was staring at him.

"Oh yeah! There's a weird thing over there that I've never seen before, and it's really big and really scary! Follow me!" he said, before running off. We all looked at each other, shrugged, than ran to find out what Hammy was talking about.

"Hammy," I gasped as I caught up, trying to regain my breath. "What-What weird thing?" Seeing the shadow that fell over us finally caught my attention. Looking up slowly, I gasped. "Oh...that weird thing."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Reviews and Favorites are appreciated! (: **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi! I'm back for chapter two of this story! Thank you for the favorites and the review! Now, here we go!**

* * *

><p>I gulped nervously, my ears flattening once again as I looked up at the great green bush in fear. Everyone stood behind me, looking up at it as well with what seemed to be utter fear and curiosity. Hammy, taking in a big gulp, ran all the way to the left and stopped.<p>

"It never ends!" he called in fright. He ran back, making us all blow back from the wind when he made himself to the right of the-whatever it was. He came back, clinging onto me.

"It never ends that way, too," he informed us.

We inched our way forward, me still in the front. Heather reached forward to touch it as she said, "What is this thing?" Ozzie yanked her back, crying, "Heather, no!"

"I'm scared," Bucky whimpers.

"Me, too, Mama," Quilla added.

"Shh, shh, it's okay...it's a...a, um...what is this thing, Lou?" Penny questioned her husband.

"Uh...eh...it's a...Vita?" Lou looked down at me.

"Uh...it seems like...some kind of...some kind of bush," I described it uneasily.

"I'd be less afraid of it if I atleast knew what it was called," Penny suggested.

"Let's call it Steve!" Hammy volunteered.

"Steve?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Steve's a pretty name," the squirrel explained, nodding his head.

"Steve sounds nice," Heather, agreed, adding in her input.

"Yeah, I'm a lot less afraid of Steve," Penny nodded.

"Oh, great and powerful Steve!" Ozzie exclaimed, throwing himself down on his knees and bowing stupidly. "What do you want?" Rolling my eyes, I put my paw on his shoulder and picked him up.

"He obviously can't speak because he's OBVIOUSLY a bush. Nothing to fret about, right?" I said sternly, putting my paws on my hips and tapping my foot impatiently.

"I heard that, young man!" a voice shrieked. We all gasped and paused.

"Am I going psycho or did that thing just mistake me for a little man," I whimpered, backing away from it in fear. Everyone had screamed around me and Ozzie even laid back to play dead.

"Okay," Hammy said, defeated, before going to walk into the bush. Thankfully, I stopped him.

"Hammy, get back here!" I grunted, yanking him back.

"Steve sounds angry," he said, looking at me for an explanation.

"The voice probably came from the other side of Steve-the bush-I mean, GAH!" I smacked my forehead in annoyance. "Okay, you guys, there is only one way we're going to find out what this thing is and what this is all about. I, personally, volunteer to check it out.

Taking a deep breath and completely facing the bush, my tail wooshing back and forth behind me, I slowly walked toward it, placing my paw out, not noticing the root below my foot which caused me to fall in. Everyone screamed.

"Steve ate Vita!" Ozzie exclaimed in horror.

"Alright, Steve," Stella called. I saw her turn her rear towards the bush which caused me to panic. "You brought this on yourself!"

"NO, NO, NO!" I shouted. "I'm okay, guys! I'm fine! I just tripped! I'm gonna go, alright? Stay put and do not touch Steve-I MEAN THE BUSH!"

I breathed silently as I slowly climbed out of the other side and squinted from the sunlight that bore from the sky. At least it was only my left eye, considering my right one was covered. I walked further hiding myself behind the weirdest contraptions ever.

It was only when I reached the edge of the grass that chaos finally began to ensue. I shrieked when I saw a man sitting astride a huge moving two wheeled machine. It was heading straight for me, causing me to drop down onto all four paws and dash out of the way, but only to be hit violently with sticks that took the wind out of me. After getting hit in the stomach three times, I clung to a stick and climbed up, grabbing onto whoever's face. Whoever I clung onto screamed in pain from both fear and the feeling of my claws sinking in.

"THERE'S A RAT ON MY FACE! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!" he squealed, thrashing himself around until I was thrown off. I fell onto the hard concrete, in front of four what looked to he dogs on leashes. At the sight of me, they went crazy. I cried out and fell away again, only to stop in front of some lady.

"IT'S THE CHUPACABRA!" she yelled in an accent that was slightly to understand. She hit me with a different sort of stick, making me turn in fright and tried to flee, but she only got a clear target, sending me flying and dragging something heavy along with me. Fortunately, I flew straight through the bush and onto the other side, dragging whatever I had brought with me.

"Vita's back!" Hammy announced happily. I gasped for air, rubbing my head in pain.

"What was over there-" Ozzie asked.

I climbed to my feet, having Stella and Heather both help to steady me. I groaned in pain.

"Cool! What's this, Aunt Vita!" Spike asked, sitting atop a green shell that must've belonged to a turtle. It seemed to be made out of a harder material though and the colors were painted on. That was probably what I had dragged in.

"Humans-" I was cut off.

"Hu-what? You're talking crazy there, Vita! Did you hit your head on the way back?" Lou asked, concerned.

"Yes! Many times!" I shouted in fierce. "But that's not the point! Half of the forest is gone, humans have moved in with their weird contraptions, and their caves have multiplied. They were abusive, too! Hitting me with sticks, then sticks with bristles at the bottom! Predators and dogs everywhere! It was horrible!"

"You should have died! You should have laid down and died!" Ozzie instructed.

"Dad," Heather shook her head.

"Wait, if the forest is gone, what we gonna do for food?" Stella asked, looking at me for an answer.

"Dunno, but here's what I do know," I said, grasping their attention. "We'll be fine as long as no one goes over Steve-GAH-that bush again!"

"It's called a hedge my shady female friend," a voice called from the distance. Eyes widening, I turned, only to see another-ANOTHER raccoon sitting upon a branch on a tree. He smirked down at us, his blue eyes sparkling. "It's the gateway to the good life!"

"Excuse me?" I asked, crossing my arms and hardening my eyes at him. "Who might you be?"

"Oh, where are my manners?" he asked, prying down from the branch and walking towards us, a grin on his face. The others let out small whimpers and backed up in fear of what he might do, but all he did was take my paw in his and placed a kiss upon it; I grimaced. "I'm RJ. Now please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing and I think I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about." He dropped my hand and dropped his bag that was around his shoulders, digging through it and throwing all of his things out to find whatever he was looking for. Everyone else was looking in interest at the stuff he didn't exactly need at the moment.

I scoffed in a childish way and rolled my eyes, crossing my arms.

"You see..." RJ finally began, taking out a map from his bag and opening it. "...what once was mere wildness is now 524 acres of man-made, manicured, air conditioned paradise. Except for that itty-bitty speck. You are here." He pointed to a tiny green spot that laid uncommonly surrounded by other things that nature had no accord to.

Everyone around me gasped. I glared at the intruder, paws on my hips, ears tilted to my head, and my sneer very visible. However, he seemed to just ignore me, though glances at me every once in a while.

"No, no, that's a good thing! You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food? Store it away for winter?" he said, assuring everyone once again. I hate to admit it, but this guy was better at calming my family than I was.

"Uh-huh! We fill the log!" Hammy exclaimed, motioning over to our log.

"Hammy!" I snapped, making a motion over my mouth. "Zip it!"

"Really?" RJ studied, running over to the log and examining it. "This log? This cave-like log?"

"All the way to the top!" Ozzie grinned in praise.

"Ozzie!" I hissed in a whine.

"Let me ask you," RJ said, pulling another thing from his bag that seemed to stretch long. He handed on half to Hammy. "How long does it take, you know, to fill the log?"

"274 days," Heather answered.

"Ooh!" RJ said, his head popping from the other side of the log. "Ever done it in a week?"

"Impossible. Can't be done," I smirked, crossing my arms.

"Not if we work together," RJ said, walking back over and leaning on me with his cracked elbow over my shoulder. I scowled at him grimly. "You see, you've got the food gathering skills, I've got the knowhow, and they have the food!" With his other arm, he rounded it and gestured to the hedge.

Frustrated, I tossed his arm off my shoulder and stared at him in astonishment.

"How much food?" Heather asked curiously.

"Lots of food! Heaps of food!" RJ answered with a smirk. "Food out the wazoo."

"Well, you know what? Whatever this food out of the wazoo mumbo jumbo is, this family has no desire for it, 'kay?" I said, taking RJ's stuff from everyone's hands and giving it back to him harshly.

"I don't know, the guy's making a lot of sense to me! I think we should listen!" Lou suggested. I smacked my forehead in irritation.

"Yeah, I'm okay with wazoo food, there," Penny agreed, pink sunglasses wary over her face. I snatched them, my fierce eyes still noticable.

"No, no, and no! I've got news, for all of you actually! The tail is tingling," I announced, turning around a swishing my tail around for example. Instantly, they all understood.

"Hold on, hold on," RJ laughed, turning me towards him by my shoulders. "The what is what? Say that again, Shady?"

"When something is about to go wrong or something is going on, my tail tingles. And let me tell you something, AJ, everything you've just said is driving my tail crazy." Shoving his sunglasses in his hands and turning around, making sure my tail hit his face, I sashayed back to the others, a victorious gaze in my eyes.

"It's RJ," he said in a sneer, before turning me around by my shoulders again and throwing one arm over it, guiding me away from the group to talk to me personally. "Look, Vita, right? This isn't something you need to be afraid of."

"Well, for your information, I am," I growled, throwing his arm off harshly, though his smirk was still visible on his face and his eyes were traveling over my body slowly. "And for a good reason." I showed him my 'special' ear. This was the ear from years ago, before I had met my family, my true family, at least. I had been a pet, as weird as it sounds, but I wasn't pampered and spoiled as others were.

No, my owner was very abusive. I suppose the only reason he had kept me was so he could prove to his family that he 'caught a wild animal'. He always wanted to be a pest control specialist. It was utterly disgusting. Anyway, one day went a little bad and part of my ear was torn off. Thankfully, that was the day I finally got away, but the mental scars still remained.

"This isn't a birthmark," I said, leaning forward more so he could get a better look. He leaned back, now frowning.

"Ah, that's because you went over there without a guide, sweetheart," he stated, shrugging carelessly. I stared at him in astonishment.

"I didn't get this from over there, I got this from-" he cut me off.

"Now, about the food-"

"Look! I don't feel very comfortable with you around us with your guide and whatnot. We're not interested," I grumbled, standing in front of him so I blocked him from everyone.

"Not interested in the most delicious food you've ever tasted?" RJ asked in shock.

"No, no, and no! Now you can skidaddle out of here! Go on! Shoo, peasant!" I said.

"If you would just-"

"How many times do I have to say it? No!" I snapped, getting in his face so we were practically nose-to-nose, but it was really only to intimidate him. However, even doing that was hard, considering he was a few inches taller than me.

"Okay, I get it, I understand," RJ said slowly, backing away from me. He got to his bag and went through it before bring out what looked to be a crinkled bag. "This is something you're not..." He gave me a smirk and opened it. "Open to." I gasped as a huge gust of orange wind blew us all literally away, coating our fur in orange powder. It was a few minutes before it stopped.

"What is that?" Hammy exclaimed, excited and more eager than ever.

"That my friends is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese salads, BHA, BHT, and a good old MSG. A.K.A: the chip. Nacho cheese flavored," he explained, taking out a chip from the bag and holding it in the air.

"Yeah, Vita! Those were good!" Stella grinned, licking her palms that had the powder on it.

"It's all good! And we're going over there! Tonight!"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I also fixed the mistake in chapter two. Thank you for pointing it out.**

* * *

><p>Everyone seemed excited and pumped for whatever would happen tonight as RJ had put it. Honestly, though, I've never been more irritated in my entire life. Who does he think he is - walking in and trying to run things when we had barely even met him not even ten minutes ago. Watching in disgust as the others whispered excitedly to each other, I huffed and rolled my eyes, beginning to brush off the cheese dust from the bag that RJ had opened with the chips inside. I didn't bother having a taste like he had wanted. Like my tail suspects, anything to do with him just can't be good.<p>

I began to storm out to the pond(not the one we drank from), still getting the orange dust out of my fur. Being a clean freak, I knew I was probably going to have to take at least four baths before I was satisfied. However, I just had to be stopped by the devil himself. RJ had planted himself in front of me, with the pond just behind him. He still had that annoying smirk on his face.

"You still didn't give it a try, sweetheart. I'm tellin' ya, you're missing out on some quality stuff here," he said, crossing his arms as he looked me up and down. My fur had the faded shade of orange, where I had brushed the dust off. I scowled angrily, placing a paw on my hip. "You seem to do that a lot. Almost reminds me of a teapot. Kinda hilarious." Embarrassed, I quickly removed my paw and maneuvered myself around him so I could just hurry an get this stuff out of my fur. It was beyond filthy.

"Look, I'm not in the mood," I sneered, finally reaching the water and placing my hind paws inside it, walking forward until the water was surrounding my hips.

"Of course, I understand. Privacy is a very important to an old lady like you," he laughed, going to turn away and leave, but stopped when I shouted to his back, "Old lady? I'm about three seconds away from sinking my claws deep into your-" He cut me off, turning around, the same grin on his face. "Calm down, sweetheart. It was a joke. You know, regular folk joke? Must be something new to you with that pole up your butt. You need to learn how to loosen up."

"Excuse me? To be a leader you have to be serious. Besides, I can be easy going if I wanted. I just choose to be the adult around here," I explained, walking out of the water and stomping over to him.

"Having fun doesn't make you any less of that. Here," he reached inside his blue bag and pulled out a chip, tossing it to me. "Trust me, it won't kill you. How's about a little proposal? Considering you're still weary of these new circumstances, if I give them and yourself the time of your little lives and the food that'll seem to good for even your taste buds, you have to owe me a favor, anything I want and anything I want to happen."

"If this is a sneaky way of trying to-"

His eyes widened and he began shaking his head frantically. "No, no! Not at all! I won't even go that low! I meant something simple like having to let me sleep in that adorable log of yours or even a small dinner date, just you and me."

I glared. "You're sickening." My glare slowly lifted. "Deal. But if you don't?"

"I leave and never return. I would just be known as the annoying fleas you could never get rid of until you take a bath."

"I don't have-" He cut me off with an annoyed tone of, "It's just an expression! Man, you're impossible. No wonder you're leader. Enjoy the chip. There's more where that came from if things go the way I plan them to!" He walked off, his blue bag still tossed over his shoulder and his tail swishing behind him. I growled to myself before looking at the chip in my paw. It looked harmless, but my tail was still tingling. Shrugging it off, I tossed it into my mouth, surprised and angry at myself that it was actually tasty and for the first time I'm...wrong. Oh, yeah, I definitely do not like this guy.

* * *

><p>I was even more fearful when we actually had to cross over that hedge again. The fear of my past experience happening again, especially to the others makes my heart almost stop. Thankfully, as RJ had stated, we had arrived when the humans were all cooped up in their homes with their lights outside turned on, and actually making the place look beautiful. We stopped behind the nearest house, where the backyard was complete pitch black.<p>

However, with RJ standing in front of some device, with a swish of his tail lights switched on and sprinklers suddenly switched to where water flew up in all colors. I was in awe, but I tried not to let him or the others know that. I was still the supreme. I had to make sure this whole human food stuff wasn't permanent. If anything happened to them, I don't have a clue of what I'd do.

Everyone spread out to explore excitedly, separating to different places. I, myself, tried not to get too caught up in this junk. Like I said, it is never happening again. Though examining the beautiful fountain water doesn't count, right? I peered into it, barely noticing a fake turtle sitting on one of the sides missing a shell. My eyes widened. The shell that I had pulled over earlier must've belonged to him. Shaking my head, I stared into my reflection, glaring at it in disgust.

I mean, I wasn't incredibly unattractive, I suppose. I could deal with losing the tuft of fur on my right eye and losing a few pounds. Not to be self conscious or anything, but I was a bit thicker than RJ. Gritting my teeth, I ran a paw so my tuft of fur was above my eye and I can finally see with both again. Not half bad...it was alright, I suppose. I barely noticed RJ's reflection beside mine, smirking annoyingly again.

"How's that tail, sweetheart?" he questioned cheekily.

"Look, if anybody, anybody AT ALL in this family gets hurt, I am holding you utterly responsible," I said poking at him in the chest harshly. He smirked wider, taking my paw into his and holding it high in the air, making me stumble against him, but thankfully not chest-to-chest.

"They're having a good time! I'll take responsibility for that!" he chuckled, spinning me around in an almost dance, before releasing me to catch up with the others, happy of his success to catch their attention. Flushed and angry, I stormed behind him, looking around with small glances now.

"Hey, Vita," Lou called, walking over to me with grass in one hand and some of his quills in the other, "I took a few clippings from my quills to do a little comparison! Look at this, the grass seems to be greener over here!" I rolled my eyes and tried to shuffle past, my head down.

"Vita, are you sure you came to the same place?" Ozzie asked innocently, waving his arms around to show his amazement compared to the horror I had explained earlier.

"Yeah, 'cause the raccoon said-" I cut Stella off.

"Okay! That is it! Enough about him! So he could do a few tricks! I mean it's not like he can walk on water," I laughed at my own little joke, but just then RJ was walking over the small blue floaties in the water, exclaiming loudly, "Hey, everyone! This way to the food!" I cringed. This was going to be a _long _night.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Did you like it? Yes, I can tell a little bit that some of you are annoyed with Vita, but this is just the way she is. Rude, cocky, and a very stern sense of entitlement. Those are the faults that I love in her! Anywho, R&R pretty please! And also notify me of any mistakes if you find any!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm back and ready to continue! This series really is fun to write, especially with developing Vita's character and her relationship with RJ.**

* * *

><p>Bugging me was something <em>everyone <em>knew not to do. I just don't have the patience for it as others got. I am in all seriousness of getting down to business and staying on track of what we're supposed to get done. However, one particular guy had to rush in and throw things way out of proportion by saying that human food is our ticket to staying alive for winter. And this particular was the man of the day himself: _RJ_...

However, I can't deny that this night has been going well. Nobody has gotten hurt, a lot of beauty has been shown, and I've never seen the others this excited in a long time. The scary thing is - if RJ is truly successful with this whole thing, I'd be forced to go on a dinner date with him or even let him sleep in our log which just proves he wants to stay longer than needed. But, why?

I pondered on this as we passed a huge black vehicle, hearing from Hammy as we passed, "What is that?"

RJ smirked, pointing at it enthusiastically, "That is an SUV. Humans ride around in it because they are slowly losing their ability to walk." I rolled my eyes.

"Load of old tosh," I muttered to myself.

"Jeepers, it's so big!" Penny exclaimed.

"How many humans fit in there?" Lou questioned curiously.

"Usually," RJ paused for dramatic effect. "one."

Suddenly, the door to the house we were in front of opened and a human walked out, talking into some sort of metal device. RJ gasped and dived into the bushes, signaling everyone to follow him. I did instantly, afraid of another encounter with those creatures.

"Hi, this is Gladys Sharp!" the human said in a welcoming tone.

Everyone, including me, began to whimper and whisper in fear, but RJ began to assure us.

"Easy, easy, that is just a human being! And they are just as afraid of us as we are of them! Now, if a human does happen to see you, just lay down, roll over, and give your privates a good licking! They love it!"

We turned back to the human to see her taking a box from the front seat of her car and walking back into the house, still talking over the phone. I began to get irritated and tapped RJ harshly on the shoulder.

"Let's just get the food and book it. Really, I'm getting impatient. Do they even have it?" I asked tiredly.

"Didn't you see it, sweetheart?" he laughed, smirking down at me and crossing his arms. "It was in the box! They've always got food with them! We eat to live and these guys live to eat!" We all stared at him blankly. "Let me show you what I'm talking about!"

He took us around the neighborhood now, showing us each what food was all about to the people. I, personally, was actually pretty curious on where he was going with this, but my tail was still tingling, which scared me to death.

"The human mouth is called a pie hole."

He gestured to a human smashing down into a chair, sitting in it. "The human being is called a couch potato!"

Taking us to another home, he pointed through a sliding glass door at another human using a metal device to talk to others who were possibly on the other line. Though I'm not one hundred percent sure.

"That is a device used to summon food." RJ explained.

We got to another house, looking through a window. A chime sounded throughout the house, and the human sitting down stood up to go open the front door.

"That is the many voices of food!"

We all followed RJ to the front of the house where we saw the man and another guy wearing some kind of uniform handing the man a colorful flat box. I was getting more impatient.

"That is the portal for the passing of food!"

We all looked toward the pathway where vehicles drive one. The man wearing the uniform sat astride some kind of bike with a motor.

"That is one of the many food transfer vehicles!"

"Humans bring the food, take the food , ship the food, they drive the food, and wear the food!" As RJ said this, many cars passed by, similar to his exclamations. We found ourselves behind a wooden fence and climbed to the top to get a better look. He pointed at a fire wearing pit.

"That gets the food hot!" He pointed at a blue box with many bottles inside. "That gets the food cold!"

We roamed to the other side where small humans crowded around some sort of poofy cat.

"That-" RJ began, but he cut himself off with a sudden look of confusion. "I'm not sure what that is." One of the humans came out with a large stick and before I could process what was happening, he hit the poofy animal with all his might and I watched with a look of horror as all types of food fell out covered in wrappers.

"Ha! What do you know? Food!" RJ exclaimed, throwing his arms out for emphasize.

We climbed to the roof of the house to look over at the one beside it where we got a perfect view inside. Humans sat around a table, closing their eyes and placing their hands together in a sort of silent moment.

"That is the alter where they worship the food!" RJ whispered, before turning to another house where a machine was on, showing moving pictures of two tablets falling in a cup. "That is what they eat when they have to much food." We turned to the girl, running in place on some sort of black contraption. "That gets rid of the guilt so they can eat more food!"

"Food! Food! Food! Food! FOOD!" he exclaimed loud enough for any and all to hear. I winced.

"So, you think they have enough?" he asked, turning back to look at us.

The others nodded, while I stood off to the side, glaring at him with an intimidating gaze.

"Well, they don't! For humans, enough is never enough!" RJ explained happily. "They put it in gleaming silver cans just for us!" He gestured to the three of them that stood innocently under his hind paws. With one swift kick, all fell open and swarms of food fell out, eaten or half eaten. It didn't really matter.

"DIG IN!" he announced. The others didn't need telling twice. They quickly dove for the food, shoving whatever they could into their mouths, moaning happily in satisfaction. I stood off to the side awkwardly.

"Ha! Good, isn't it?" RJ asked cockily. I looked at the trash food in disgust, my ears clamping to my head instinctively. Most raccoons were all for going through stuff and stealing things to get what they wanted. Thankfully, there were sane ones like me who prefer more sanitary things that possibly wouldn't kill us in our sleep from food poisoning.

"Look what I found," RJ stated in a sing-song tone, dragging a heart shaped box from one of the trashcans. The top of it had something splattered all over it, making me gag. He dragged it over to me with a smirk and pried it open, clicking his tongue in success when he saw five perfectly good brown things sitting in five compartments. He gathered them in his arms and brought them over to me.

"This is chocolate - something humans use to give to their mates to show their admiration for them. It always works like a charm," he winked, handing them all to me. I didn't eat them right away. I think seeing Hammy squirt cheese into his mouth so it came out of his nose made me really lose my appetite.

"So, what do you think?" RJ asked, catching everyone's attention again, even mine. "Was I right or was I right? And these things are just the scraps! Wait until you see what comes in the boxes and the packages and the cans! I'm telling you, folks, you stick with me, and in one week we will gather enough food to - to - to FEED A BEAR!"

We all looked at him in shock.

"Just a figure of speech!" he assured.

A sudden click behind us took our attention away as we watched an incredibly fat cat walk out. He became very angry and scary when we all caught his eyes.

"HALT! INTRUDERS! INTRUDERS! GET OUT ALL OF YOU!" he shouted with a sort of accent. The full door opened and the human was back, asking kindly, "What is it, baby?" When she saw us, she completely freaked. My heart completely stopped.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I enjoyed this chapter, especially the part with the chocolates. Please R&R!**


End file.
